The Rules I Play By

As many of you know, this blog is also about my Pagan practices, so today I would like to post a little commentary about the rules that I have to follow in my practices. A few weeks ago, a friend of mine came to visit and seemed to be infuriated about the fact that my specialty is Love/Lust magick. She told me that, such magick is forbidden to anyone and everyone. My friend is not Pagan or Wiccan or any variation of any term similar to these. More information on this is on my Xanga Blog. The link should be to the right of the screen.

Anyway, I took some time since her visit to sit down and write down the rules that I have to play by in my line of work, so to speak. In a meditation, my goddess, Aphrodite, told me that I am not to cast for myself. As much as I would really like to, I have to obey her wishes or I could end up losing what little ability I do have. Secondly, I am forbidden to cast for those who are deeply depressed becuase they are single.

The reason for that rule is because anyone who comes into the querent's life will ultimately leave. I know for a fact that if you are depressed, no one is going to want to stay near you for very long. As much as you wish me to, I cannot affect a person's free will. I cannot make someone fall madly in love with you forever and ever. As hard as it may seem, it is you who is doing most of the work, not me. I implore you, if you are unhappy because you are single, please dont come running to me, asking me to conjur you up a new boyfriend/girlfriend.

Also, one thing that you have to keep in mind is that relationships are not measured in days or weeks. Remember that I am allowed to cast against you if it is in your own benefit. In other words, if you want to get married after only 3 weeks, then I can throw a little spell to make you see your partner's true face. Remember also that I do not, DO NOT, have the ability to end your relationship. Relationships must be began and ended by free will, and what is rule number 3? I can not affect free will. If your relationship ends, I am certainly not to blame.

Depression & Love

I was talking with a friend last night who told me he was depressed that he was single. This is something that people have been telling me about quite frequently lately. Let me be the first to admit that last year, I was depressed about my single status, but after some time thinking about it, I realized that I was better off figuring out what it is that I want from myself before I try for a relationship blindly.

Anyway, the more I talked with this friend, the more I understood that his main problem is his depression. Sadly, I dont have any advice about getting out of depression as it is a much different process for every person. For me it was a simply change of scenery. The only thing I can say about depression is that, in order to get out of depression, you must first WANT to get out of it. If you want to stay depressed, then dont come to me crying that you are single and no man wants you. First of all, I dont know a man alive who wants to date a "Weeping Belle".

Secondly, I dont want you getting depressed that you cant find true love in a bar. My only rebuttle to that is "No Duh!!" Bar relationships are much the same as goldfish. Very few can live a few months but most of them die within a week.

Anyway, back to the more important issue. If you cant love yourself and love life in general, then how can you expect someone else to love you? This is a hard lesson to learn and accept, but it is the most true. Just remember that there is a sliver lining in all things. If anyone happens upon this and would like help finding their silver lining, just send me a message. I check my e-mails daily and I have quite a bit of experience doing such. It is how I went from sad, lonely and depressed to having lots of men and loving every minute of every day.

Marcum Terrace

I know it is unlike me to write a rant-type blog here in Blogspot, but I have neglected this space for quite some time and I have decided to copy and paste this to both blogs.

Anyway, I was out visiting my mom this past weekend and everything went very well. I had a good time and my guest had a nice time as well, but my mom's husband brought up something that is the most retarded idea he has ever had. I know that he better have been joking. He looked at me and asked me when I was going to get an apartment there in Marcum Terrace. I so wanted to say tell him that I am short on drugs and I dont own a gun so my application would be rejected. There are many things wrong with moving into that area.

For one, people who lived in the worst part of the ghetto are scared to go to Marcum Terrace. Secondly, (although this is my main point) My dad and I have lived in an apartment all our lives and we have scrimped and saved for well over ten years to get this house. By no means am I ever returning to apartment living. Yes, times are hard and yes, my dad and I have arguments, but who cares. For the most part, he and I get along. Also, times are hard for everyone. Going from a house to an apartment wont change that.

My next point was brought up by Larry himself. He told me that he has a car and if I need to go somewhere, he would be more than happy to take me. I dont think that would work out because if I had a time limit to be somewhere, and it was inconvienient for him, I would not make my deadline. Its hard enough just getting a ride home when I stay to visit. I dont think I could torture myself living there.

On the lower end of my reasons not to live there, I have a very particular phobia that makes living in Marcum Terrace just impossible. I dont know where this phobia came from or why I have it, but I am scared... no, terrified of roaches. Just typing that sends chills down my spine. My older sister and mother take good care of their apartments so they only see a few of them, but I get lazy sometimes. Cleaning will be at the very bottom of my to-do list because I am so terrified of seeing a roach. Not to mention I wouldnt want to store food in the apartment because I dont even like thinking that a roach could have touched it.

I cant move in there and will never move in there. At this point in time, I am outside of all the drama that goes with my family, and I dont wish to enter that drama. Right now I am a submissive 3rd party. If I move there, then I can no longer be that way.

The "Good Gay Guy"

Today I want to talk about something that a lot of people either think they are, or they think that have. I will admit that this may be a bit of a rant mixed in with advice as I constantly hear about and it frustrates me so. Before I begin, I only have one thing to say to those of you that believe that you are God's (or Goddess whichever you prefer) Gift to humanity. I am sorry to say this, but if you honestly think this, then you surely are not any gift to anyone. This assumption comes from an overgrown ego which is by far a good thing. A little errogance is ok, but once it passes that level to where you think you are the best thing to walk the planet, that is when you cease to be a "Good Guy." I know this is going to sound very cliche, but the beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Quit thinking you are perfection incarnet and just be. The best thing you can be is yourself and once you have mastered that, you will have many friends and lovers. I would also like to add that a little modesty never hurt anybody.

My advice to those of you who think you have the perfect man is: Huzzah for you. But I strongly advise that you refrain from bragging about how good your man is. I say this because, although he may be your perfect match, in the eyes of someone else, he may be the worst thing to walk the planet. Your opinion of the man you are dating is just that, your own opinion. If he has ex-boyfriends, I am sure there is a reason that he is not with them anymore. Also, in all actuality, if you decided to boast and brag about your so-called perfect man, that will make things that much more difficult if and when he decides to break things off with you. It would be a shame to brag about how perfect your man is only to have to explain why he was so unperfect the day after he leaves you. Also, it is just common discourtesy to brag about your successful relationship to a friend who is single and not so happy about it.

I want to end this by saying that I am not here to verbally bash your relationship, for those of you who are in one. I am also not trying to tell you that you are not a good person. The point I am trying to get across is that a person should never be anything other than themselves. Another point I would like to make is that bragging about anything is never good. You have what you have as I have what I have.

Blessed Be
Ares Eros DreamWalker

Top 10 Rules for Successful Gay Dating

..1 Avoid Heteros and the Bi-now-gay-leter.
Advisory- These first four rules fall under the category of 'What Are You Looking For'?. Being a gay male, falling for a straight man is a sure-fire way to get yourself hurt. Dont ever go into any relationship with the thought, "Well, I can change him". What is even more dangerous than that is the thought that he is actually willing to change his whole lifestyle just for you. Bisexuals on the other hand are a bit harder to understand. That would fall under the category of does he like guys more thanhe likes girls. That brings us to the Bi-now-gay-later guy. This is very dangerous because a BNGL (Bi Now Gay Later) is in the closet and just testing the waters of gay life. Although, there is a chance for an LTR (Long Term Relationship), chances are very slim that you can reel him into anything serious. The last thing you need is a boyfriend that is getting too jumpy at every touch. Also, its bad to have a boyfriend who is standing in the closet doorway and is able to go back in at any second. If all you are looking for is casual sex then dont even consider this or the other 9 rules that follow.

..2 Have something in common besides being gay.
Again I say, if you are only looking for meaningless sex, these rules do not apply to you. It is prefered that you be able to maintain a conversation with him before you call yourself something serious. While the old adage 'opposites attract' can be true, you'd better have something in common if you want it to last. That isnt to say that you need to be compleatly similar though. There is an even balance between similar and opposite and this balance should be obtained in order to have a lasting a relationship.

..3 Beware of needy people and control freaks.
Needy people, or cling-ons as they are sometimes called, can suck the life right out of you and your relationship. If you are the needy one, then I highly recommend getting counseling because you will never have a healthy relationship as long as one of you is overly needy. As a recovering needy person, I can vouch for this one. It comes in many forms, but here are some signs of neediness: excessive jealousy, possessiveness, clinginess, etc. Needyness doesn't always kill a relationship, but it does slowly suck the life out of it if the needy person isn't receiving any kind of help. Talking it thorough with your partner and having them help can be a great way of getting self-help.On the other end of the spectrum, but equally dangerous, is the control freak. This one is usually easier to spot. Again, jealousy is a sign of this too. Other signs include manipulative behavior, always having to have the last word, always insisting on having their way, etc.

..4 Just say no to drugs.
Few things will kill a relationship like drug abuse. If someone is heavily into drugs then you'd be best to run, do not walk, in the opposite direction. Dont allow yourself to be sucked into paying for or even abusing drugs. Successful relationships are based on how much you love each other soberly. If you are the party type and you suspect drug abuse, it would be best to leave immediately. If your partner wants to stay anyway knowing that, leave him. Walk away and dont look back. Chances are if he stays at that party then he may want to abuse drugs behind your back or flirt/cheat behind your back.

..5 Know your expectations.
Before you ever start dating, it would be great if you knew exactly what you were looking for. Unfortunately, 99% of the population doesn't know what they want in another person. That's one of the reasons we date in the first place; to figure out what you want from a relationship. Before you get very far into a relationship though, it's very important to know what you each are looking for from this. Are you looking for something casual, a friend with benefits? Or are you looking for something serious? And what does that mean to you? It's important to know this up-front. If your expectations are very different, then it would save you both a lot of wear and tear if you just moved on. Although if you think that you will benefit as a person from such a relationship, give it a try, but know that it will not... will NOT last a very long time. If you dont know what you want then there is a high chance that it wil not work out.

..6 Start as friends.
Although, this rule is #6 on my list, it is by far the most important rule of them all. Without this step, you have no foundation on which to build anything else. If you can't be friends first, then there is a VERY high chance that you wont last very long as lovers. This rule leads into the next one.

..7 Observe the phases of a healthy relationship.
Dont rush things. Every healthy relationship evolves through a series of phases. People argue about these phases and their order, but in general, they are: attraction, acquaintance, learning, friendship, exploration, intimacy, lovers. I believe that you start with attraction and then subsequently end with Lovers.

..8 Find out about the important things first.
Early on, in those learning phases of your relationship, be sure to find out about your interest's past relationships if that sort of thing is important to you at all. Even so though, itis best to have a general idea of who your potential partner has been with. Make sure he or she is over their previous relationships. If you are the rebound, dont expect too much here. If they are still in love with their last boyfriend or girlfriend, expect to get hurt. Also, ask about their past relationships, who did the dumping? If they have a string of always being dumped or always doing the dumping, there is probably something wrong. At the very least, you may just find out that your date is a victim of hard luck. Also, two other things that it is mandatory to know before getting involved is Religion and Political Standpoint. I dont care how "tolerant" you think you are, if you dont follow the same religion and have compleatly opposite political points of view, then your relationship is considered dead before it even starts. This is a sad fact to swallow, but I am sorry to say that it is the truth of all truthes.

..9 Sex is not everything, but it is something.
Contrary to most reports, sex is not the end-all-be-all of a relationship. It is only a facet of a much larger whole. In fact, believe it or not, a healthy relationship can exist without any sex at all. It can't, however, exist without intimacy, and there is a BIG difference. Sex is just one form of expression of that intimacy. Don't rush into the sexual phase of your relationship unless you are sure that you can have that intimacy with it or you are sure this is just a casual relationship. Be warned though that once you do have sex the first time, there is no going back. Be absolutely sure you are ready. Sex does not equal love and the two should never be confused. Furthermore, you can not make someone love you using sex. If your whole relationship is built around sex, you don't really have much of a relationship. It may be time to rethink things, which leads to the last rule.

..10 Monitor the relationship.
This one is another biggie and one many people fail to do to the detriment of their relationship. On a regular basis, you decide what is best for you, sit down and evaluate things. Are you happy? Is your partner happy? Is your partner making you happy? If not, why? Are everyone's needs being met? Do you both still have the same or similar expectations? You should do this alone and with your partner. If at any time, things are starting to go wrong, you need to sit down and talk about it. If it can be fixed, then work together to fix it. If not, then make the break and move on. There is no point beating a dead horse (lovely image, no?). This is, of course, easier to say than to do. Remember, communication is the key to a healthy, lasting relationship. If you can't talk to each other, you dont stand a chance.